We all have been hurt by someone, whether it was a family member, close friend or a lover, it just doesn’t feel good, does it? Some pain goes away within a couple of hours – you take a nice warm shower, eat chocolate or watch a movie on Netflix – and it’s gone; but there are also times when the pain is so strong that nothing helps for a long time. Is there a way to avoid it? Is there a way to make sure that nobody in this entire beautiful world will hurt you so badly again?
Well, let’s see:
In order to understand how to prevent yourself from getting hurt, we need to figure out what pain is. Easy, right? “People say things meant to rip you in half but you hold the power to not turn their words into a knife and cut yourself”. This quote is here not just to make this whole entry more poetic, this quote is actually the key – it’s the answer. It’s okay if you still don’t get it, honey. Just read on.
Let’s take an example – You walk on the street and some woman turns around and says – ” Oh God. Such an ugly girl”. (Quite unlikely to happen to someone, but helps to explain). Would that hurt you? Probably not. It will most likely make you a bit confused and shocked, but you would not go cry over it, would you? (I very much hope not). You have to understand that all people have their own skeletons in the closet and most of the times, when someone says something nasty to you, he is projecting his insecurities on you. PHRASE TO REMEMBER – WE ALL ARE EACH OTHERS REFLECTION. WHATEVER YOU DON’T LIKE IN SOMEONE ELSE, IT IS SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T LIKE IN YOURSELF.
Now, let’s take another example – You walk on the street with your boyfriend, some woman turns around and says – “You are ugly”. Your boyfriend doesn’t say anything, so you ask him “why?”. He calmly replies – “Well, don’t worry. I don’t love you for your beauty.” (Also quite unlikely to happen to someone, HOPEFULLY). That would probably hurt a little, wouldn’t it? You might start thinking that your boyfriend doesn’t find you attractive or whatever other crazy ideas you might get in your head from this one comment. NOT THE POINT! Why did this scenario affect you more than the other one. Quite simple, honestly – the person that you love was involved. Ha! We reached our first conclusion – those, who we let very close to our mind and heart, have the bigger chance of hurting us. Does that mean you should build the Great Wall of China between you and all the other people in your life? No! Does that mean you should let people stay close to you and hurt you whenever they desire? Absolutely, not! So what now?
“It was when I stopped searching for home within others and listen the foundation of home within myself I found there was no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body that have decided to be whole”. If someone would tell Angelina Jolie that she is ugly, would she get upset? – no! She knows she is one of the most desired women on earth. If someone would tell Mother Tereza that she is not kind, would it bother her? Of course not, because she knew that it isn’t true! Still don’t get the point? Well, it’s about time you start putting all the pieces together. If you are in peace with yourself – the way you look, the way you are as a person and the way you treat others, there will be only a few if any people that could somehow hurt you. It goes the same for your happiness – if you depend it on someone else, it would be so easy to cause you pain, just by leaving, BUT if you are happy when you are all alone, nobody’s absence can get you off balance. Easier said than done? Huh, obviously! Like everything in this life, but as hard as it is, finding happiness on your own is the most effective solution to stay balanced and protected from the toxic waves of others.
BEING HAPPY ON YOUR OWN DOES NOT MEAN BEING CARELESS AND EMOTIONLESS. If I would not need anyone around me to be happy, why bother and get into relationship and make friends? If at this point, this is what you are thinking, you got it all wrong. We do need people around us to make memories, share happiness with and talk during difficult times, but there are also times when you fight with this very people and in order to not fall into depression or to feel guilty when it was not your fault, you need to be self sufficient in terms of emotional stability and happiness.It is totally normal to feel sad when you are fighting with your lover or a family member, the whole point is to not get off track and completely loose the sense of reality while falling into the darkness of your mind. When person’s well being depends on someone else, unfortunately, this is exactly what happens.
Learn to love yourself…