The second day of the psychological seminar that I attended was about a relationship, to be specific, it was about “knowing how to maintain a stable, happy relationship with another human being”. This does not concern only couples, it is about all types of relationships – husband and wife, father and daughter, boyfriend and girlfriend … everyone.
During the first day of the seminar, all the participants faced their deepest fears and problems; most importantly learned a few techniques to deal with them. During the second day, everyone was learning how to maintain a happy, stable and balanced relationship on the regular basis.
LIFE EXAMPLE GIVEN BY THE PROFESSOR, WHICH WILL HELP YOU UNDERSTAND:
Once the professor was walking on the street and met her ex-classmate, who she didn’t see for around 15 years. Being very curious and excited to see her friend, she started a friendly conversation and asked “so, how are you doing, sweetie?”. Expecting a positive answer, she got really surprised when she heard “ah, I am doing horrible! I’ve got two kids and my husband asked for a divorce – all men that I meet turn out to be complete idiots and cheaters”. After those words, the professor stopped her and explained a couple of “life laws”:
- Our thoughts shape our reality – This woman said – “all men that I meet turn out to be complete idiots and cheaters”. Thinking that and believing in that thought shapes her reality. She basically requested the universe to send her cheaters and idiots. Do you get the point? What you think – you get. It is very important to always think positive. When someone asks you “how was your day?”, instead of saying “not bad”, you should try and say “good” or “wonderful”. Why? Universe has its own rules and it simply doesn’t “hear” the word “not”. So when you say “not bad”, the universe actually hears “bad” and that is exactly what it is going to bring to you and we don’t want that, right?
- No one owes us anything – This rule caused a bit of confusion for me when I heard it for the first time. My main concern was like ” so if no one owes us anything, my boyfriend can just go and cheat on me and I can’t say anything because he doesn’t owe me anything?” Professor laughed and explained what she actually meant by that. Sometimes, we put too much on the other person. We expect them to make us happy, some even get into a relationship to become more positive. This is wrong! You should never rely on the other person in terms of your happiness. You will get disappointed and it will most likely ruin your relationship. If you are a self-sufficient, confident person who feels in balance with himself, you won’t require the other person to act in the “right” way to make you satisfied – you will be able to provide that yourself. Work on your insecurities, find your own hobbies and “happy places” and then if your mother, father, boyfriend or anyone else are not in the mood and acting grumpy, it won’t make you upset or unbalanced.
- Learn how to communicate – Sometimes, there are situations which you simply can’t avoid. You heard that your boyfriend said something mean about you or your mother got extremely angry at you for no good reason – these things can destroy your “zen” and cause a lot of negative emotions. All negative emotions take a lot of energy and a person starts feeling tired and pessimistic, that is why such things have to be controlled. If a negative situation has happened and you feel like your emotions are overflowing, don’t rush into having the conversation with the person you have a conflict with. Firstly, take a one minute break and just breathe in and out with your eyes closed. During this minute, try to not think about the problem that you are facing. If the issue is too big and breathing does not help to calm down, sleep on it. When you finally will be ready to talk, make sure the other person is too. Don’t force the conversation if the person is in a bad mood and try to not talk with mean tone. Those tips might sound very obvious to some, but trust me, you will be surprise if you would know how many people just rush into a conversation and end up on the edge of breaking up or ruining the relationship with their relatives completely.
I hope you will find this post useful. Share your tips and tricks of maintaining a healthy relationship in the “comments” section below.