Hi, I hope you are having a good day. You are great, did you know that? Yes, you! No, please stop doubting if I am talking to you or someone on the other side of the planet. Just know that you are amazing!
That felt good, didn’t it? So why do we spend an incredible amount of time and energy dissing and bullying other people instead of making them feel good about themselves?
Now, don’t get me wrong. This isn’t about me judging you for being mean. This is about getting to the bottom of why people (including me) do it on the first place.
First, let me quickly tell you why I decided to write about such topic. When I was eleven years old, I lived in Barcelona, in a boarding school surrounded by many people of different nationalities. Some of those people were around my age, others were a bit older. Twelve years old Daria would go to the mall, buy a huge amount of candies and give it to everyone in her school; she would protect those, who were disrespected. She would care about her friends more than about herself. If someone would need to talk to her and ask for an advice, she would sit with this person until he feels better. Twelve years old Daria was also bullied from time to time, but her belief in “only good” would make her forgive those people the second they would do something bad to her. Was twelve years old Daria happy? Oh, hell yea, she was! No worries about mean comments, no regrets – only happy days. Did twelve years old Daria ever get sad? Yes, she did. When she fell in love for the first time. She cried a lot. Those tears are now remembered with laughter and joy.
Now, this very little twelve years old Daria is nineteen. Did something change? Oh yeah. Now this Daria can barely keep being positive for one day, she cries so often that it’s easier to calculate those times rather than the ones with the smile on her face. Is Daria as giving and loving as she was before? Yes, sometimes, but only with those who she deeply cares for, others don’t matter. Does Daria protect those who are being bullied? Nope. I, of course, would stand up for little children on the streets that are being wronged and everything like that, but when I would hear two friends gossiping about someone, I would quickly join the conversation rather than trying to stop it. Is nineteen years old Daria a bad person? Well, maybe. But you start wondering, what happened? How does one go from being the sweetest twelve years old to nineteen years old bitch? Good question! That’s exactly why I decided to write this post. When going to bed and being left alone with our thoughts, we many times wonder “why this?”, “how did I get here?” and “what happened?”
Let’s try to figure it out.
To really get to the bottom of this issue and try to answer the question, I will highlight the three major events/issues that happened to me from the age of eleven to this day.
- Moved away from Barcelona back to Russia.
- Moved from Russia to Berlin, started studying in a new school, got a boyfriend.
- Graduated, moved away from Berlin, now living in Bucharest with this very same boyfriend.
So, those were the three main stages of my life between eleven and nineteen. Now, let’s see each stage separately.
Moved away from Barcelona back to Russia.
What was Barcelona for me? The city that raised me. The place where I met some of my true friends that I talk with to this day and can rely on no matter what happens to me. It was the city that taught me to be independent. The place where I met my first love and where I lost it. At one point in my life, Barcelona was everything for me. Now, let’s see what moving away did to me. First time feeling depressed, getting separated from all I truly loved. Going back to Russia where most people first look at what you are wearing and only after they talk to you. Moving away from amazing food, warmth, laughter and kindness of people on the streets, to the coldness and rudeness of Mother Russia. This is the stage where the first changes within me can be recorded. I learned how to be truly sad, I learned about the fakeness of people. I learned how to be depressed.
Now the “Barcelona Daria” is not as lively and positive anymore. At times she is sad and depressed. She misses her Spain life and closes away from people to not get hurt and judged. Such drastic and fast change from Spain to Russia made Daria understand that not everyone wants the best for her.
Moved from Russia to Berlin, started studying in a new school, got a boyfriend.
Not being able to handle life in Russia, Daria begs her parents to send her abroad again. After long family conversations and sea of tears, Daria manages to convince her parents and they send her to the boarding school in Germany, Berlin. What happened there? Well, clearly not what Daria expected. She believed that no matter where you go abroad, it will be the same or at least similar to Barcelona, but it wasn’t. Everyone in school was separated by groups. Some of those groups just didn’t talk to each other, others were hating one another and giving bitchy stares every time. Well, Daria had to fit in, didn’t she? Otherwise she would be a loner. So guess what Daria did? She started bitching too. How pathetic! The funniest thing is that I don’t even talk anymore to those people that I really wanted to like me. Oh… High School. While feeling a desperate need to fit in, trying to pass IB and handling all the stress of the environment, Daria falls in love again. Very fast, very unexpected and very damn deep. Hopeless romantic or still this naive little eleven years old girl? A bit of both, maybe, but this time it was different. Not even knowing it, I met the person who I moved to a completely new country for. Four years together and still counting.
Anyways, what did this second stage teach me? It taught me how to be a bitch. Great, right? Now, looking back, I even remember the times when my classmates from twelfth grade would be like “Oh Dash, you are such a bitch” and I would feel so proud, like it was some kind of achievement. “Daria the meanest and the greatest” of some kind – again, very pathetic. Berlin taught how to be fake. My thinking was – why bother to be real if nobody appreciates it? Why can’t you just be fake and pretend to be someone else? And that is exactly what I did. Stupid stupid Daria, loosing her eleven years old self even more. While reading all this, you should keep in mind that every stage had it’s amazing moments that I will never forget, but I don’t mention them here as they are not relevant to this topic.
Graduated, moved away from Berlin, now living in Bucharest with this very same boyfriend.
The lasts stage is the one that influenced me the most, I think. It is this fundamental step that glued together all those things that happened to me in the first and second parts. Well, needless to say – love matters the most. Daria graduates from Berlin and moves in with her boyfriend in Bucharest. Is Daria happy now? Yes, she is! Is Daria happy about who she has become? No, she is not. Moving to Bucharest was a very important step for me. It was risky, crazy, spontaneous and love oriented move. Moving to Romania meant becoming financially independent from my parents. It pretty much meant becoming an adult! This automatically puts a lot of stress and responsibility on a person. Especially on Daria, because she would never admit to her parents that she was wrong and wants to move else where. Do I want to move else where? No! Do I regret my decision? Well, not yet, at least ha-ha. I am for sure happier than I was in Berlin and I love Bucharest because I get to be with the person I love and the city reminds me of Barcelona in some ways, but I am still not that eleven years old Daria and I really wish to be her again. Moving to Bucharest did bring some negatives to my life and I think that it is completely normal because there are always two sides to everything. Being friends with a lot of guys, made me realise that the male population cares about – big boobs “oh I just wish to put my head in between”, big ass ” Oh I would bang that” and girls with so much make up that you can’t really see their real face. (Judging again, huh). No, I didn’t say that all guys are like that but many are. Now, you are probably thinking “Jesus Daria, stop going off topic, how does it relate to Romania?”. Well, quite a lot actually. Unfortunately, many women here are like that. What does it have to do with me? Well, let’s see. Every person observes some trends. My observation was that many men here love fake women. What does it make me think? Should I be like that too? Let’s say, my boyfriend or his friends look at some whorish looking girl in the club, does that mean I am not good enough? Being in a right state of mind, I do understand that all those thoughts are nonsense and of course, I should not try to fit the retarded standards that were set by what it seems to be unconscious people. So what do I do? I turn my protective mechanism – judging. “Oh look at this girl – she is so fake” “I wonder how she will look like without make up?”. Maybe it’s true, maybe the girl is fake, but how does judging help me? Why do I let the decisions of other girls influence me? Not good, Daria. Not good.
There are many factors that influence the person and shape him as he grows up. The most important thing is to stop and think for a second if you are doing something wrong. It is okay to go off track. You are just human, but it’s important to realise how far off you’ve got and get back to your true self. No judging, not bullying, no disrespect. I am now one step closer to getting my eleven years old self back. First step is to acknowledge what went wrong and when. Go down the memory lane, have a discussion with yourself. Let go of all the anger and fear. Believe in good and do good. Make someone feel special and loved. Compliment your friends. Let go of those who are toxic for you. Concentrate on yourself.